


I'll cover you, Commander

by dianysus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, M/M, Slow Burn, eren sees levi as a father figure, eruri - Freeform, levi doesn't get hetroes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29681244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dianysus/pseuds/dianysus
Summary: Erwin approached the desk, picking up an empty bottle of wine. ‘Are you drunk?’Erwin has seen Levi drink before for celebratory reasons, probably a few sips. Not two whole bottles. And Levi barely felt buzzed. ‘No. Takes more than that to knock me down.’‘Have you... been crying?’(Takes place alongside the plotline of Attack on Titan, just more filling in the gaps between episodes)
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman/Furlan Church
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	I'll cover you, Commander

**Author's Note:**

> *Spoilers for AOT within the story*
> 
> Basically Levi coming to terms with his sexuality in a very angsty way. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the read.

Levi always knew there was something wrong with his blood. 

Not wrong per se, but more like something was wrong with him. 

He can remember the buzz he felt when he won his first physical fight. How he lost it and was able to knock a guy down that twice his size. That feeling he would get sometimes, like he was zapped with lightning. He felt it overcome his senses. It was like losing your mind in all the right ways. It was like being conscious and aware of every breath, every sweat that dripped down your face as you served the next punch. 

And that’s when Kenny left him to his own devices, deciding that there and then that that small starving kid could defend himself, alone in the underground.   
Kenny created him in his own mould, but bet not even Kenny could have foretold this. 

Levi was sure that there really was something wrong with his blood. 

Why else would he be like this? 

He remembered the dead woman in the bed of that stinking brothel. The smell of sweat that stained the walls, completely masked the overbearing stench of that rotting corpse that was tucked in bed, as though it was asleep. He remembered how she would take strangers to their room and to their bed, and how he would have to wait downstairs and listen to the groans. He used to believe that they were hurting her. The reality wasn’t far off. When she got sick, the strangers stopped visiting her, and the money was fizzling out fast. The brothel owner told her if she can’t make her keep, then they’d have to throw her out.   
Good thing she died before then. 

The memories of her began to crumble over time. He remembered a woman, of course. She must have been his mother, surely…

Levi knows how it works. He learned very young. A brothel is no place for a child. There’s always a mother and a father, a mother and a father, a mother and a father. A man and a woman.

Now how the hell is Levi meant to have known this was a thing? 

He was close to Furlan, of course he was close to Furlan. Furlan smelled like cigars and wood. Furlan chose Levi over his old gang, and the two of them became good friends. Friends is the key word here. 

They never talked about it, how could they talk about it when it was always a mother and a father? It just made sense with them. It always made sense. There was no need to talk about it, as Furlan moved in with Levi. There was no need to talk about it when Furlan moved his bed into Levi’s room. There was no need to talk about it when Levi wore Furlan’s old shirts. There was no need to talk about it. No need.   
Fuck. It’s happening again. 

/You always knew you were cursed, Levi./

/.I’m just trying to live my life here./

/You always knew that there was something wrong with your blood./

/I can’t help that, you know I can’t help that./

/Furlan is dead and now you’re doing this again? Do you remember his dead corpse? Looked nothing like that stinking corpse of that woman, did it not?/

‘Stop it!’ Shit. Levi just yelled that out loud huh. So much for trying to look a little sane here in front of his own damn squad. He already had that reputation of being an inhuman freak. Now he’s yelling at his own reflection. 

Thankfully being known as an inhuman freak means that no one really questions you when you do things that an inhuman freak would do. So Levi thought. 

-

Petra. Levi was not ready for Petra. She came skipping into the kitchen, broom in hand, but not cleaning anything, as though she was offering it as a peace treaty. She casted glances at Levi, eyeing him up and down and began whistling tunelessly. Levi was scrubbing at the table, feeling the eyes of Petra bore into him. /Maybe if you just ignored her, she’ll go away./ Petra wasn’t one for being ignored. ‘Hey.’ She said, finally breaking the silence. 

‘Have you cleaned the stairs yet?’ 

Petra made a face when she thought he wasn’t looking. Or she did that intentionally as she knows Levi too too well. Levi catches anything. ‘Made that boy Jaeger do that. So eager to please.’ She twisted the broom in her left hand and handed it to her right, gripping it down. ‘Bad dream last night?’ She asked, ignoring the question Levi had shot at her. 

Dreams, Levi hardly dreamed. And when he did they were absurd nonsense that woke him up in cold sweats. Dreams get in the way of reality. He used to have nightmares all the time as a child, and he barely sleeps now. He probably managed a couple of hours last night. Levi let out of a scoff, hoping that would suffice as a response. It would for some. Not for Petra. 

He heard her sigh, ‘You know you can always talk to me about it. I’m sure it’s pretty normal for you to yell to stop randomly in the night, but where I come from, not so much.’ She’s not going to drop it. This is a woman who has killed titans and is scared of spiders and she’s not going to drop it. 

‘I appreciate your concern, Ral. But.’ He lifted his head up from the overly wiped down table to finally look at her. ‘I’m fine. Like you said. Just a nightmare.’ 

Petra slowly nodded. ‘Titans are easy. Feelings are hard.’ And with that, she skipped out the room. 

-

‘I fucking hate the winter.’ Oluo was muttering, pressing himself as close to fire as he could without burning himself. 

‘Get out the way, you’re blocking the fire!’ Petra said, pulling Oluo back to his seat, which somehow, he completely missed the seat and landed on the ground with a great thud. 

‘Alcohol isn’t good for your coordination.’ Levi commented, gritting his teeth to stop them from chattering. 

Eld let out a bark of a laugh, ‘It’s not good sober either.’ 

Oluo went back to cursing under his breath and pulled himself back on the chair. He grabbed his half drunk wine bottle and held it up. ‘You know what I miss. I miss the tender touch of a woman.’ 

Petra instantly made a face, ‘Don’t be disgusting,’ she warned. 

‘Apologies, madam. But you’re far less attractive to me than an actual titan.’ 

Petra kicked him under the table. 

‘Oluo has a point.’ Eld mused.

‘Oh not you too?’ Petra said, putting her head into her hands. 

Eld held up his hands in defence, ‘I mean no offence, but… what Survey corp member do you know of that’s married?’ 

Silence. 

‘If I had a wife, I would treasure her.’ Olou said, putting his fist on his chest in a weak salute, as though he was promising that to someone who was present. 

‘She’d have to cut your tongue out to keep you from biting it. And for talking such bullshit.’ Eld laughed again, swinging on his chair. 

‘Come now, Eld. Do you not wish for a woman?’ Gunther perked up. 

‘Of course I do. How could I not? I imagine her to be strong, smart and beautiful.’ Eld said, smiling.

‘That rules you out, Petra.’ Olou said, elbowing her in the side. Petra glared at him in response. ‘Now. My perfect woman would be beautiful.’ Olou said, his words slurring and starting to sound like they were fading into one big word. ‘Beaut..iful woman. She has to be shorter than me, and she has to be …’ Olou made a motion with his hands. 

Eld was laughing, Gunther let out a whistle and Petra was blushing furiously. Levi didn’t get it. 

‘What about you, Gunther?’ Olou asked, pointing a finger accusingly at Gunther. 

Gunther shook his head. ‘My perfect woman, I’ve yet to meet her.’ 

‘Petra?’ Olou asked. ‘Perfect man would be?’ 

Petra let out a snort, ‘None of you, believe me.’ 

‘Ouch, my dear, you wound me.’ Eld said, laughing again.

‘And what about you, our fearless leader?’ 

All eyes on Levi, like he was the star of the performance. 

Shit, shit, shit. 

‘Nothing.’ Levi said, his arms crossed, and staring at the fire, not daring to make eye contact with any one.

There was a pause, and Levi had hoped that that shut them all up. ‘Nothing is your perfect woman?’ Eld pressed, ‘Surely you have a lady in mind. I mean, I’m sure it won’t matter to you if she’s taller than-’ The look Levi gave Eld was a look to kill. 

Olou was laughing, ‘Come come, Captain. It’s all in jest. We just wondered about your taste in the females.’

The image of Farlan curled up in their bed came back to Levi like an awoken nightmare. The scent of Farlan filling his senses, the smoke of his cigars, the smirk on his face. Fuck, fuck, fuck.   
He can remember it if he ever allowed himself to. The curling of their fingers interlocking, Furlan’s hot breath on his neck, the purr of his voice. 

/There’s no one I’d rather share a meal with, a room with, a kiss with…/

‘C-Captain?’ 

Blinking, he looked up at their faces, all staring at him. They all looked… concerned? Levi hadn’t even given them an answer. He cleared his throat and rose to his feet. ‘Well, Olou, Eld and Gunther. Since all of you want to talk about women, you can do so while keeping company while all of you clean the mess you’ve all made of the kitchen.’ A groan rippled out from all of them. 

-

Alone in his room, Levi dunked his head into the cold water of the basin. It was freezing in this bitter winter and he instantly regretted it, but anything to keep his mind from thinking about him. He lifted his head out of the water and shook it violently, picked up a towel and scrubbed hard at his face. 

A light knock was at the door, Levi recognised that type of knock. Petra. Levi opened the door, and there she stood, a lit candle holder in hand. ‘Captain.’ She breathed, ‘Are you alright?’

‘I’m fine.’ Levi said it like an impulse. It was the answer he instinctively gave. I’m fine, I’m alright, go away. 

Petra moved past Levi before Levi could even close the door to stop her. She’s sneaky and managed to push her way past him. Now he’s remembering why he chose her in the first place. She’s good at what she does. ‘I should have known.’ Petra was saying, putting the candle down on the chest of drawers. 

‘Huh?’

‘That there’s someone.’

‘What?’

‘You know, someone.’

‘You spotted a titan?’

Petra let out a groan. ‘You like someone, Captain. Forgive me, but you made it so obvious in the kitchen and I know it’s none of my business, but I just want you to know that I’m here if you ever need to talk about anything and-’

‘Petra.’ Levi held up his hand. ‘I don’t like any one.’ 

Petra’s turn to laugh now. ‘Oh please. You love with all your heart, Captain. You may be cold and mean, but you care so deeply that it hurts you.’ She sat down on the bed and crossed her arms. ‘So. Are you going to tell me who it is?’ She said leaning forward slightly, a big grin on her face.

Levi was stunned to silence, staring at Petra. This woman was unbelievable, imposing in on his personal business and sitting on his bed. He had half a mind to kick her out. But he didn’t even move, just stared at her, as though she just challenged him to a duel. He thought about her question. Like he could ever tell someone, he’d never breathe it to a living soul. Why can’t everyone be like Furlan? Or Isabel? Isabel knew by just looking at Levi and Furlan. And Levi never had to talk about it to Furlan, Furlan just got it. He understood. Isabel understood. She didn’t care, and that’s why they all got along so well. It was always just the three of them against the world. Furlan at his side, and Isabel trailing behind them. 

‘Petra.’ Levi let out a groan, rubbing at his face with his hands, dropping the towel in the process. /It’s always been a mother and a father. Always been a mother and a father./ 

‘Oh.’ Petra said, holding up her hands in surrender. She stood up then a little too quickly. ‘Captain, you should know that I like someone in the Police brigade and we will never work out. I mean, you’re our Captain. And It would be completely unprofessional if we were to ever-’ 

‘What. What are you talking about? Petra, no. It’s not you.’ 

‘Oh thank God.’ Petra looked a little too relieved at that, and Levi wasn’t sure if he should be insulted or not. She was smiling again, which scared Levi more than he would like to admit. ‘It’s not you.’ She repeated, nodding to herself. ‘I knew it. There is someone.’ 

‘There is no one.’ Levi said, his patience completely vanishing. ‘Petra, I appreciate you a lot, but I’m going to have to get you out of my room.’ 

‘I got it, Captain.’ Petra said, choosing now to salute. ‘But, again, I’m here to talk.’ 

With Petra gone, Levi was alone to his thoughts. And he didn’t like that at all. Was he that obvious? Can they all smell it on him? Like cigars and wood. Levi lifted his shirt and took a wift of the fabric. That smell of cigars and wood had faded too too long ago. The memories of Furlan would be with him forever though. His touch, his taste, his silent understanding of him. There was no one like him, and there never will be another like him. 

He promised himself that with Furlan’s death, there will never be another. No one will ever be allowed in Levi’s circle again, they will never get that close to him again.

His job was hard, the people he cared about die. He was sure about the cursed blood thing. He knew it to be true. It had to be. His father, whoever the fuck that was, must have came from a flock of cursed blood. He’s sure this didn’t come from his mother, so it must have been from his father. 

Petra couldn’t be right. This was all a mistake. There was no way in hell that he ever will like anyone else but Furlan like that again. 

-

/‘Bet I can make you laugh.’ Furlan had said, unwrapping himself from Levi’s hold, to Levi’s displeasure. 

‘Another bet?’ Levi replied, already amused at Furlan’s persistence. 

‘Well, I make you smile too easily now. It’s not even a challenge any more.’ 

Levi smiled./

-

‘What’s your family like?’ Eren asked, poking at the washcloth that he was using to pathetically clean the bannister. 

Levi ignored him.

‘Captain, did you hear me?’ 

Can’t this kid take a hint. Levi glanced over at Eren, who instantly stiffened. ‘Actually. It doesn’t matter...’ Eren said, correcting his mistake. This kid lived off small talk to fill the silence, but Levi preferred to work in that perfect silence. 

‘My father was a doctor.’ I didn’t ask. ‘And my mother was a brilliant woman…’ 

Corpse in the bed, maggots in her teeth, the rotten flesh perfuming the room. 

‘She was eaten by a titan. I never… got to save her.’ He had that glazed look in his eyes, a look Levi recognised too well.

‘Go sit down. Take a break. I’ll finish up.’ Levi muttered, now beside Eren then, taking the cloth from his hands. Eren blinked at him, and seemed surprised that he was beside Levi then. Moving like a zombie, Eren left the hallway. Levi continued scrubbing at the bannister. It wasn’t a too bad job that the kid managed to get done. Just wasn’t entirely up to Levi’s standards. 

-

With Erwin’s visit, the whole place seemed in disarray. He wanted to look over the boy and check over him again. Hange was going to be with him, as were some other members of the military. They were making sure something or whatever, Levi didn’t care. 

They met up outside. Hange had provided her own measuring tape and was sizing up Eren like he was about to be tailored a suit- a very detailed suit that needed to know the length of every finger. Hange would occasionally yell out some measurements, and Moblit would take some notes, nodding along like he knew what she was talking about. Eren looked startled, being moved from one angle to another. Levi could hear Oluo laughing next to him, followed by Petra’s loud shushing. Levi grew tired of watching this strange performance (Was it really necessary to gather the best of the best just to watch a boy get measured?) and took to walking back into the house. Levi could understand their curiosity, but at the end of the day, Eren was just some unlucky boy. Not that he’s complaining, besides, it would be nice to get some alone time. 

‘Erwin.’ This wasn’t exactly what alone time Levi had in mind. 

Erwin stood in the middle of the room, eyes on an opened book in front of him. 

‘All the fun and excitement is happening outside, Commander.’ Levi said, gesturing to the door. 

Erwin turned to look at him, and shrugged. ‘Yes, well. I grew quickly tired of watching Hange tell me what width is Eren Jaeger’s calves.’ 

Levi huffed, ‘You and me both.’ 

‘Think she’s a little excited. It’s nice to see her so happy again.’ Erwin mused, turning his attention towards the book again, his back to Levi. 

Levi stood beside Erwin, glancing down at the book Erwin seemed so invested in. 

[...] Make sure to scrub at the stain with a damp cloth with [...]

‘You’re… you’re reading a cleaning guide.’ 

Erwin laughed, ‘That I am.’ He said, closing the book a little too quickly. ‘You caught me.’ 

‘Surely a cleaning guide is not very interesting to someone like you.’ 

‘No, it’s not. You seem to like them, so. I wondered what all the fuss was.’ 

‘Learned anything interesting?’

Erwin hummed. ‘That there are many ways to clean out wine stains from rugs, but no information on how to clean out blood.’ 

‘I use vinegar mixed with warm water. And I blot it with a cloth.’

‘How did I know that you knew that?’ Erwin was smiling. 

Then there came an uproar from outside. Erwin and Levi exchanged a quick glance and instantly ran outside. There knelt Hange, trying to help a keeled over Eren. 

‘Thought I said to not let Hange get carried away.’ Erwin said with a deep sigh.

Eren vomited in the grass. 

Levi instantly grimaced, and Hange let out a gasp. Levi could hear Moblit writing furiously with his pen. 

‘What did you do, Hange?’ Erwin asked, voice startled. 

Hange looked back nervously. ‘Uh. Eren did consent to do it. I just need to-’

‘Hange. Leave him.’ Levi warned, moving toward Eren and rubbing at his back. ‘Water.’ 

Petra was the first one back with the glass of water. Eren downed it. ‘Slow gulps or you’ll vomit again. - Petra. Take him back inside. Let him lie down.’

Petra obeyed, and Hange stood with her hands up, apologising profusely to Eren as he limbed past. 

‘It is nice of you to take it easy on the boy.’ Hange said, wiping her hands in an already dirtied handkerchief and with Eren out of earshot. Levi grimaced at the sight of the handkerchief but decided it was best not to comment. 

‘Can’t imagine what it’s like. Getting thrown into a big plan and being entrusted so much.’ Erwin’s voice muttered, coming from the other side of Hange.

‘I wasn’t talking about you. I meant Levi.’ Hange said, a smile pulling at her lips. 

‘He’s just a boy.’ Levi said nonchalantly. 

Erwin looked over to Levi and offered him a smile, ‘It suits you.’

‘What?’

‘You being protective. It suits you.’ 

How could he not be? It was easy to tell Isabel to not walk down certain alleys in the underground, or she will get kidnapped, and it’s easy to tell Hange not to kick Eren in the balls anytime she wants. It’s just common sense. 

Following the rest back inside, Levi heard his comrades console Eren.  
‘What a sight that was.’ Gunther said, trying to lighten the mood and handing Eren another glass of water. ‘Took it like a real champ though.’ He patted Eren on the shoulder. 

‘I don’t know why he said yes though.’ Petra muttered under her breath, not loud enough for Eren to hear, but enough for Levi to. Levi rolled his eyes and went back to boiling the water, preparing himself his sixth cup of tea today. 

‘I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure that we have the upper hand against the titans.’ Eren said furiously, taking the water into his hands and taking little sips. 

‘Okay, okay, slow down, hero.’ Levi said, practically dropping the plate of food in front of Eren with a slam. 

‘Thanks, dad.’ 

Uh.

What? What did he just say?

Petra was the first one to break the silence with a fit full of laughter. Gunther let out a snort and Oluo was still staring at Eren in disbelief. 

Eren, however, was bright red. ‘Oh! Um. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. That really came out of nowhere. Sorry, Captain!’ 

Levi was stunned. He blinked. And blinked again. 

‘That’s… okay.’

-

‘He called you DAD?’ Hange said, shoving another loaf of bread into her mouth. 

‘I’m not surprised, you are quite the parental figure for those younger soldiers.’ Erwin mused, ‘Poor boy is an orphan as well.’

This isn’t fair. Levi’s an orphan at a young age and he’d never call some guy dad. Not even Kenny. Kenny would probably have an aneurysm if he ever did. 

‘And I’m sure we all accidentally called someone in a place of authority father.’ 

‘Not me.’ Hange said with a grin, ‘I always said it on purpose.’ She winked.

Erwin’s brows furrowed. The poor idiot didn’t get it. Levi wondered how a dumb idiot can be commander but also be a dumb idiot. 

‘Any ways.’ Erwin said, clearing his throat. ‘We need to talk about our plans for Eren Jaeger.’ 

-

Mother, Furlan Church, Isabel Magnolia, Eld Jinn, Oluo Bozado, Petra Ral and Gunther Schlutz.   
What were their deaths for? What was the point in them dying and Levi surviving? Another failed fucking mission. He couldn’t get the thought of Petra’s father out of his mind. His face, his agony. How the hell is he meant to recover from that. 

It’s happening again. It always happens like this. 

/You get too close and they die. You become too distant and they die./

/You really can’t win, can you?/

Numb. Numb was all Levi could feel. He knew he hurt his leg and felt the pain throbbing, but he couldn’t even focus on that. He lay on the sofa, covering his face with his arm. He didn’t even remember landing on the sofa, nor did he even remember his feet taking him up to Erwin’s office. Or did someone help him get there? He didn’t know. It did not matter. He thought about his comrades and how they all died. They were great soldiers, how could he let this happen? He swallowed a lump that was held in his throat and tried to focus on breathing. 

In and out. In and out. 

Normally, when he felt like this, Levi would get up and start cleaning. Cleaning was easy, and simple. It was a perfect distraction from those horrid memories. He would clean the entire building if he could, but his leg prevented him and he couldn’t bare to move from where he was. 

‘Levi?’ He heard a small voice from the doorway, Erwin had knocked before he entered. Imagine that, knocking at his own office door. ‘Levi. I’m so sorry.’ Erwin was saying as he closed the door behind himself, entering the office and making his way to the middle of the room.   
Levi looked at him but slowly turned his attention towards the ceiling. 

‘If it helps, I know how you’re feeling. This hollow pain that you're experiencing.’ Erwin said, unhelpfully. ‘We’re the same.’ 

Levi let out a snort laugh at that. ‘The same?’ Levi asked, sitting up now and tilting his head at Erwin as though to challenge him. ‘How are you and I the same? Please commander, enlighten me. You’ve come from an educated upbringing, while I had to defend my right to eat since I was small. Everything you wanted, you’ve been handed to. While I get the fucking scraps.’ He spat.

Erwin was calm. Or seemed calm. He always seemed fucking calm. Bastard. ‘We’ve all lost someone.’ Erwin explained quietly. ‘I’m going to sit beside you now.’ He moved and did just that. 

Levi tensed up. What was this bastard trying to achieve by coming towards him like that? Should Levi feel threatened? And Erwin lifted his hand and slowly placed it on Levi’s knee of his good leg. He glanced at the hand and back to Erwin. ‘Commander-’ 

‘There, there.’ Erwin said, patting Levi’s knee. 

‘Erwin, this is really unnecessary.’ 

‘I’m comforting you.’

‘You’re doing a shit job at it.’ 

‘I don’t understand? Don’t people usually like physical affection?’ 

‘Get off.’ Levi said, pushing Erwin’s hand off his knee. 

Erwin pulled his hand and awkwardly placed both hands in his lap. ‘You’re right I should have asked first.’ 

Letting out a groan, Levi rolled his head back and went back to looking at the ceiling. ‘I’d get up and leave but this damn ankle is preventing me.’ 

Erwin let out a hum, ‘You’re not good with pain.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘It’s just a sprain, and you’re not good with pain.’

‘I’m very good with pain- Stop laughing.’ 

‘I apologise, Levi. You should know that you’re going to have to sit the next few missions out.’ 

Levi rolled his eyes. ‘I got that.’ 

Erwin stood up. 

‘Where are you going?’ Levi asked. 

‘I have business to attend to, I am still the Commander, and Armin wants to see me about the female titan identity.’ 

Right. The female fucking titan. Levi can’t even focus on that now, all he can think about is his dead comrades. ‘What? What am I supposed to do then?’

‘I can have Hange sent in here and she can keep you company.’ 

‘I’m not falling for that one again.’ Levi muttered, remembering how when he first met Hange, and her incessant talk on titans was enough to drive him crazy.

‘Then I’ll be right back.’ Erwin said, heading towards the door. ‘Rest, Levi.’

Since when was Levi’s place of rest Erwin’s office. And when was everyone alright with that. He had awoken in the morning with a cup of tea placed on the table beside him and a blanket wrapped around him. He sat up slowly and touched the tea cup. Warm still. Someone was in here recently, and Levi didn’t wake up? That was odd. Guess maybe he can manage sleep sometimes. Picking up the cup, he looked down at the blanket around him. That’s Erwin’s cloak. Levi knew this because of that familiar scent, like a musky lavender scent. 

Levi froze, slowly putting down the cup. 

Erwin’s scent. It’s so recognisable, lifting it up to his face to get a better smell of that scent. He dropped the fabric fast like it burned him. 

Remember Furlan. Remember his arms, that wrapped around you tight. His scent. The pain that came when he was gone. That unbearable pain in his heart. 

So why the hell does Levi’s heart want to do this all over again with-. 

He hated when Petra was right. 

Alcohol wouldn’t be Levi’s usual choice. Erwin had two bottles of wine in his office that were probably gifted to him from some thankful family or whatever. He didn’t care. Levi practically broke the cap off, leaning on the desk so that he could get his weight off his foot. 

Drinking was a bad idea, Levi barely felt the buzz of alcohol when he drank, like his senses were too alert to even acknowledge the effects of alcohol. But it always seemed to make Kenny feel better, though Kenny himself had such a high tolerance, he had to drink for a whole day for him to slur his words. ‘Damn family bloodline fault.’ Kenny would say, cursing under his breath at how much he just spent on the bottles. Levi stole him a crate of wine once, not without drinking a bottle himself. He wanted to be like Kenny, and Kenny drank. He drank the whole thing and felt nothing. Just like Kenny. And people do seem to resort to alcohol when they are sad. 

And now here he is, drinking the whole bottle of wine and feeling nothing. Numb. Just like Kenny.

Close to finishing the second bottle, Levi blinked. He could feel a slight buzz, but it was barely present. His ears were ringing and his head felt heavy. What the hell was he doing. Feeling bad about it all isn’t going to bring his comrades back. And why can he only focus on that and not the next mission. This was a man who managed to kill more titans than any one in the military. It came so natural to him, like chopping vegetables for a stew. They fell so fast, and he could take them all out. Erwin could just give him the word go and Levi would. Ewrin could tell him to fetch a stick and Levi would deliver it to him on a silver platter. And here he is, drinking alone and close to… tears. 

It’s not that he’s afraid to cry, it’s more of the fact that crying doesn’t come natural to him. He learned from a young age that crying doesn’t solve anything for him. He doesn’t feel better after, nor does he feel it necessary for him. 

No matter how hard he cried, she stayed dead. 

‘Levi?’ 

Oh fuck this. 

Levi lifted his head up from the desk. He must have fallen asleep. He got a quick glimpse of himself in the mirror on the desk. Eyes bloodshot, face puffy and red. He rubbed at his face. ‘What is it, Furlan?’ 

‘You haven’t called me that in a while.’ Erwin said lightly.

‘Shit. Sorry, Commander.’ 

Standing at the door, Erwin gently closed the door behind him. His eyes scanned the room, from the two empty bottles, to a very exhausted looking Levi at the desk. ‘Are you alright?’ 

That really did feel like the dumbest question to be asked right now.

No. No he was not alright. His comrades are dead, his lover is dead, his friends are dead, his- that woman is dead. What did she look like alive again? Maggots in her teeth, maggots in her hair. Levi felt like he was going to be sick, so he took in a deep breath and rested his head into his hands. ‘I’m fine.’

Erwin approached the desk, picking up an empty bottle of wine. ‘Are you drunk?’

Erwin has seen Levi drink before for celebratory reasons, probably a few sips. Not two whole bottles. And Levi barely felt buzzed. ‘No. Takes more than that to knock me down.’ 

‘Have you... been crying?’ 

Erwin is officially the worst person for these kinds of situations. Levi glared at him through his fingers. 

‘Sorry. It’s just that I’ve never seen you cry…’ 

Levi very much considered throwing the empty bottle at Erwin’s stupid handsome face. He doesn’t really cry. But he feels so much. His grief usually flares up his anger. He could rage and scream at the sky until his voice goes raw. ‘What does that matter? I’ve not seen you cry either.’ Levi commented, uncovering his face to glare more at Erwin. That wasn’t necessarily true. He saw Erwin cry once, but best not mention that now. 

Erwin did not comment on that but handed out his hand. Levi thought he wanted a handshake, but saw the handkerchief that was being offered to him. ‘E.S.’ were the initials embroidered in. Levi hesitated and took the handkerchief, examining it. It was white and clean. He wiped his eyes with it. 

‘You hold onto that.’ Erwin said like he was giving Levi a grave task to do. 

Levi folded it up and put it into his pocket. ‘Thanks.’ He murmured. 

‘You know I don’t mind that you’ve stayed in my office and drank my wine.’

Levi grunted in response. 

‘And I don’t mind that you’ve claimed my desk as your own.’ Sounds like you do mind. ‘But I need you to keep close to me for a while.’ 

Levi raised an eyebrow.

‘I don’t think you should be alone right now. Not after what you’ve been through.’   
‘You and I both know that I can take care of myself. I am very resilient.’ 

‘Yes. I know you are. It’s for my sake.’ 

‘Huh?’

‘I’m worried about you and I like knowing that you’re safe and I think you staying here with me will give me peace of mind. I’m not sending you back to those headquarters right now, not with all those empty rooms…’ 

‘I get it.’ Levi said. He felt a rush of relief from that, thankful he didn’t have to return to that place quite yet. 

‘I can carry you to your room, if you need to.’ Erwin offered, straightening up as though he was already prepared to pick Levi up at any short notice. 

Levi shook his head, ‘I can manage.’ He said, standing up and instantly putting his weight on his bad ankle. He hissed from the pain and grabbed the desk to hold himself up.

‘Are you sure? I carried you here and you had no complaints.’ 

Oh so it was Erwin who helped him here. 

‘No thanks.’ Levi said through gritted teeth and pushed past Erwin to the door. 

‘I’ll show you the way.’ 

The room Erwin had picked out for Levi was right next door to Erwin’s office, luckily for Levi limping around the place. Unluckily for Levi, it had that musky Lavender smell that radiated off from Erwin and infected every object and room he inhabited with that smell. It was a modest sized room with the usual stuff in a bedroom. A bed, chest of drawers, closet, a desk and a chair. Levi stumbled slightly and leaned against Erwin to get his bearings. He could see that dumbass smiling and decided not to comment. Levi moved to sit down on the bed. Erwin sat down next to him and briefed him over on the next plan and what Armin had to say about the identity of the female titan. Erwin then promised to keep Levi updated when he had the chance. ‘If you need anything, just knock on the office door. It’s right next door, so you should manage.’ Erwin said, standing up to leave.

‘What if I need something in the middle of the night?’

‘Knock on the office door.’ 

‘You’re going to be working in your office all night?’ Levi asked in disbelief. 

‘Well, I can’t exactly go back to my room tonight.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because you’re in it.’

Levi’s eyes widened slightly and he glanced around the room. Oh. This was Erwin’s room. That explains the smell. ‘I’m staying in the office then.’

‘No you’re not.’

‘Yes I am.’

‘You’re staying here.’

‘I’m going to the office.’

‘Then you’d have to stay in the office with me. Stay in my room.’

Levi imagined punching that stupid handsome face, ‘Is that a command, Commander?’

‘It is.’

Pause. ‘Fine.’ 

‘That’s also something I wondered about.’ Erwin mused, ‘Why you’re so loyal to me.’ 

Another pause. 

‘Because I don’t see anyone else saving the world but you.’ 

The smile Erwin offered Levi was soft.


End file.
